If Only She Knew
by Tenshi no Mukando
Summary: SONGFIC--When the person you love falls in love with your best friend, what can you do? You can't betray them, so the only other choice you have is to fade away with time... SLIGHT ockurama


If Only She Knew  
  
disclaimer: Do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, or "If Only She Knew."   
  
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Today was the day that marked the second month since they had broken up.   
  
Everyone asked why. The spunky, raven-haired, green-eyed Kio and calm red-haired Kurama seemed a perfect match.  
  
So why would they leave each other?  
  
Only those two knew, but the time when they departed from each other is where this story begins....  
  
[] TWO MONTHS AGO...[]  
  
The wind blew around them. They were facing each other, in a silent dance in which the wind was their only audience. His beautiful eyes were covered by the shadows on his face.   
  
"Kurama, you had better have a good reason for calling me out here in THIS kind of weather, other than wanting to see me!" Kio said, teasingly. She took a step, and was staring up into his eyes. Or, rather, she was looking up and him, and he was looking away. Her smile faded a bit. She slowly reached a hand to his face, hand shaking. Her skin looked even paler than usual, making the scar under her left eye stand out more than ever.  
  
"Kurama, what's wrong?" He lowered his head, and stopped her hand.  
  
"Kio....I....I found someone. Else." Kio's green eyes widened. She withdrew her hand, and gazed at him. Those stunning green eyes glimmered in the dull light. The wind picked up, and a cloud of dust and dead leaves flew around them. She took an uncertain step backwards.  
  
"You're....You're lieing," she whispered. He shook his head no. "You...You said you'd love me forever...You're lieing. Kurama, this isn't funny anymore!" He turned his back, his head lowered.  
  
"I'm sorry, Kio. I truly am." But before he could walk, he heard her voice. It was so soft, the softest he had ever heard it. He turned tentatively, expecting a slap across his face. But instead he found himself pressed against cold lips hiding a warmth. Kio slowly drew away, and darkness covered her eyes as she looked to the side.  
  
"Goodbye Kurama. I hope you're happy now." With that, she turned and walked away, wind blowing her hair behind her. It was then that Kurama found himself loving her the most. And then an ache in his heart formed. Was it possible he still loved her...?  
  
[]BACK TO THE PRESENT[]  
  
Kio sat in her normal spot: a branch in a cherry blossom tree. She loved flowers, but this tree had more meaning. It was here she had laid her first kiss on....him. Ever since they had left each other, she had never been able to say his name.  
  
Two months is a long time, when silence is loud. The tree was bare, just like her life. Fortunetly, it was hidden by the branches of a nearby pine tree. It was winter now, and all the plants had withered. The raven-haired girl stared down, almost disdainfully, into the park where they had once sat together, happy for all that it was worth.  
  
Then she heard his voice. The one she hadn't seen for two whole months. The one she had once loved....  
  
And still loved. Her head shot to the side, and she saw him. Flaming red hair, smooth skin, strong build, and those emerald eyes she had fallen in love with. He was laughing. She turned her head a bit more, and saw her. The woman who had stolen his heart....  
  
Her breath caught. Her eyes widened. Her blood pounded. All sound stopped.  
  
The woman arm-in-arm with him....was none other than Myoko. Her best friend. No doubt about it. The hair, the eyes, the face. The laugh.  
  
What they were laughing about, Kio hadn't heard. After closing her eyes tightly for a moment, she turned her focus back on him. She saw in his eyes love, laughter...and an aching?  
  
/I don't know who's side I'm taking  
  
But I'm not takin' things too well.  
  
I can see inside you're achin'  
  
But is it still too early for me to tell?/  
  
Kio shook her head. He had no reason for an ache in his heart. It wasn't as if she were the one to break his heart. Her eyes dulled a bit more as she watched them kiss goodbye, and head off in different directions. She watched Myoko skip off towards the north, but then her eyes followed ...him. She jumped from tree to tree, watching, watching. For what, she didn't know. But she had to follow him.  
  
To her surprise, she ended up not at his front door, but at a bar. 'iOk. Since when does he drink?!i' Kio thought, a bit alarmed. She left the safety of the shadows, and entered after him (TNM: did I mention? they've finished college. Sorry if there was any confusion). She coughed a bit as smoke filled her sensitive nose, and her eyes began watering. NOW she was even more worried. The man she fell in love with would NEVER come to a place like this. So why was she here? 'To see why in seven hells he's here,' She thought to herself. But she knew was just trying to lie to herself.  
  
She was here cause she cared about him. Wanted to comfort him.  
  
She hurried through, not wanting to stay too long. And then she saw it. The red hair.  
  
"Usual, Shuuichi?" The bartender asked. 'iUsual?! That means....he comes here often?!i' Kio thought, alarmed. He nodded. Just as she was about to head over, two things happened which were not helping her mood: a sluttie-looking woman appeared next to him, and a man grabbed her arm. She growled, both at the woman, and at being held back.  
  
"What do you want?" She hissed.  
  
"Woah there, lil lady. Just wanted to ask if ya' want to have some fun, know what I mean?" The man reeked of alcohol. Kio smiled sweetly.  
  
"I do...." The man grinned. "But I refuse!" With that, she kicked him where the sun don't shine, and headed over to him. She saw the woman who had been trying to seduct him (TNM: Kurama. Remember, she still can't say his name?) was failing miserably. He merely continued drinking, staring fowardly, in a dumb stupor. It hurt her to see him like this. His normally bright eyes were dull, and full of heartfelt pain. Kio tapped the woman's shoulder. She turned to glare at her.  
  
"He's mine, bitch. Back away," She hissed at Kio. But the green-eyed girl just glared. Glared with all her mind, her soul, her very being. And that, evidentally, was very intimidating. The slut backed away, and tried to match Kio's glare, but failed miserably. Taking a deep breath, she took the stool next to...him.  
  
"Kurama...?" He didn't seem to hear her. Her heart broke again, and she stopped his hand from taking another drink. "Kurama." He turned to stare at her. As soon as he caught sight of her, the light returned to his eyes.  
  
"Kio? Why are you here?" he asked, a hoarse whisper.   
  
/I try to help you out through the hardest of times  
  
Your heart is in your throat and I'm speaking my mind  
  
Though it looks as if its over  
  
I'm still not over you/  
  
Tears came to her eyes again. She had finally said his name, after two months, and she finally found him....but worse for wear. She shook her head. She had made a vow never to cry ever since he left her. Kurama hugged her tightly.   
  
"I haven't seen you since we..." His voice trailed off as soon as he mentioned their break-up. But Kio wasn't here for a trip down memory lane. She pulled away.  
  
"Kurama! What the hell happened?" she asked, angrily. If this was Myoko's fault, best friend or not, Myoko was going down. "Why are you here?" He looked down at his hands, and took a deep breath.  
  
"Not here, Kio. Let's go outside, shall we?" Kio looked at him, then nodded, and pulling him through the crowd, went out the door. As soon as they were outside, Kio turned, crossed her arms, and tapped her foot.  
  
"You have a lot of explaining to do, buster." Kurama laughed, a hollow laugh.  
  
"No, let's go to the park." With that, he began walking. Kio blinked stupidly for a moment, then ran after thim. She walked slightly behind him. She was still too hurt to walk beside him, like friends. No, it was because she was still in love with him.  
  
The finally ended up back at the park where Kio had first sighted him. She stopped at a bench, but Kurama kept walking on. And then it hit her where he was going: The cherry blossom tree. She trotted up to keep up with him.  
  
And then they were there. Memories welled up inside Kio, and she had a hard time keeping a cold, distant look on her face. It was the look she had adopted two months ago...  
  
He finally turned to her. She looked at the ground.  
  
"Kio, please look at me." She slowly raised her eyes to meet his jade ones.  
  
"Kio...I-"  
  
"No need to apologize," Kio said. She winced inwardly at how cold she sounded. Kurama looked surprised. The hurt in his eyes was evident. He turned his gaze to the sky. It was a cloudy day, and grey too. Just like that fateful day, two months ago...  
  
"But I have to. I'm sorry Kio. I chose someone else over you."  
  
"Did you know that someone else was my best friend?" His head shot down, and he looked stunned.  
  
"Your...your best friend?" Kio nodded. She turned her head down, and looked at her shoes. They were old things, and pretty scuffed up too. Not a very interesting thing to look at.  
  
"Kio, I didn't know..." She shook her head. She closed her eyes to stop those forbidden tears from falling. But her eyes snapped open when she felt warm arms wrap around her.  
  
"Kio, I wasn't able to realize this till I had left you, but.... I still love you..." Kio tensed. No, this was too good to be true. A finger on her chin lifted her face up, and before she knew it, she was pulled into a kiss.  
  
/'Cause I still love you like I did before  
  
I know for sure that you still feel the same way I do  
  
If only she knew  
  
Whoa, if only she knew, oh/  
  
'iNo...this is wrong...i' A little voice in her head sang.   
  
'iBut it feels so right...i' Kio countered. His tongue had just entered her mouth.  
  
'iBut you know it's wrong, Kio,i' the voice whispered.  
  
'iIf Myoko knew-i'  
  
'iShe would be heartbroken. If it were visa versa, Myoko would not be kissing Kurama right now. No, she's a GOOD friend. She would rather die than betray a friend. Seems you're ot as good of one...i' And over and over the words played themselves in her head. Kio pulled away. Kurama looked at her, worried.  
  
"Kio, what's wrong?" Kio was slowly backing away, shaking her head.  
  
"I'm sorry Kurama, but I can't.... I can't betray Myoko...." With that, she turned on her heels, and ran.  
  
"Kio! Wait!" Kurama yelled after her, extending a hand towards her. But it was too late. She was gone.  
  
"If only she knew...." He murmured under his breath. If only she knew....  
  
Kio ran, blinded by tears, onward. She heard him call her name, yes. But she couldn't turn back now. She just couldn't.... For if she did, she might not be able to stop herself next time... She wanted to let it go, but yet she didn't....  
  
/I try to let it go  
  
but I don't know if I can take it  
  
'Cause the way you looked at me   
  
Made me see that I can't really take it/  
  
How she got home that day, even she didn't know. All she knew was that if she wanted to keep herself from betraying Myoko, there were two choices: commit suicide, which she was opposed to, or disappear with time. But for now, she had to help Kurama forget her. Kio gulped. She wasn't sure she could do it. She didn't want him to forget her, but she had to....  
  
/I try to help you out through the hardest of times  
  
Your heart is in your throat and I'm speaking my mind  
  
Though it looks as if it's over  
  
I'm still not over you/  
  
But what if he didn't want to forget her either? Hopeful thoughts raged through her mind at this thought. He had said so himself, he still loved her.  
  
But he also loved Myoko.  
  
He knew, and she knew that he couldn't have two loves. He had to decide.  
  
And Kio knew that to not end her friendship with Myoko violently, she had to help Kurama choose Myoko.   
  
'iBut either way, our friendship will end,i' Kio thought, with an ironic smile. If her plan carried out correctly, their friendship would fade away... She heaved a heavy sigh. All for the love of one fox named Kurama. 'I never told him I still love him too. I love him exactly like I did before. But things have changed. I guess it's better this way...'  
  
/'Cause I still love you like I did before  
  
I know for sure that you still feel the same way I do  
  
If only she knew  
  
Whoa/  
  
Kio knew in her heart she had no right to interfere with love, as she threw some things in a small bag.. But she had to this time. She had to make him forget.  
  
But no matter how much she justified her answers to stop the doubtful voices in her mind, she knew it would hurt to watch him forget all about her. So she had to go... disappear. For real, this time.  
  
/I know she loves you and I can't interfere  
  
So I'll just have to sit back and watch  
  
my world disappear  
  
Whoa/  
  
She found them at the park again. They were sitting in a bench near the cherry blossom tree, Myoko, looking content, in his arms.. Kio hid behind the pines' branches, thanking God they had their leaves still. Every so often, Kurama would shoot a glance towards the tree, searching for her. Whenever his piercing green eyes "met" hers, her heart stopped. But he always looked away again, back at the woman in his arms. Perfect.  
  
/I try to help you out through the hardest of times  
  
Your heart is in your throat and I'm speaking my mind  
  
Though it looks as if it's over  
  
I'm still not over you/  
  
Kio still loved him, even if he had another woman in his arms. She would love him forevermore, even if she were to find someone new. But she knew deep down she wouldn't.  
  
And that was just fine with her.  
  
If he was happy, she was too.  
  
She wasn't running away for her own good. She was doing it so that perhaps Myoko and Kurama could get married someday, and live happily one day without worry.  
  
But perhaps she would come back someday. 'Cause no matter how much Myoko loved him, no one could love the red-haired, green-eyed fox known as Kurama, as much as she did.  
  
No one.  
  
/'Cause I still love you like I did before  
  
I know for sure that you still feel the same way I do  
  
Whoa  
  
'Cause I will never ever walk away  
  
I'll find a way  
  
She could never love you like I do  
  
If only she knew/  
  
Kio rummaged in her bag for a note she had gotten ready. It read:  
  
"iDearest Kurama,i  
  
iPlease know, I still love you. But I have to go. Stay here, and live happily with Myoko.i  
  
iThank you for everything, Kurama. Everything.i  
  
iBut I'm afraid this is good-bye.i" Here there was a dark stain on the paper. Kio stared at it, before realizing it had come from her eyes. She smiled, another ironic smile.  
  
"So much for THAT vow," she muttered. She scrubbed her at eyes, and reread the rest of the letter.  
  
"iBut please. Don't let me get in the way of you and Myoko. I want you to burn every last rememberant of me, unless Myoko says otherwise. Even then, tell her to hide it. I don't want to get in the way. Forget about me, if you must, but please just go on.i  
  
iI won't forget you, but I'm afraid I won't come back.i  
  
iI love you, Kurama.i  
  
iForever yours,i  
  
iKioi"  
  
She folded the letter, and stabbed it to the tree with an arrow. He would find it. She knew he would.   
  
Taking a deep breath, she looked down at the scene before her. Kurama and Myoko were yelling their good-byes, and Kio knew he would head straight for her. She had to go soon.  
  
"Good bye Kurama... I still love you....Perhaps it could've worked out.... If only she knew. If only she had known." With that, she turned on her heel before the fox got to her.  
  
Soon, she would fade away, with time, from both their memories....  
  
/If only she knew, oh yeah  
  
Na na na na na na na na/  
  
If only she knew....  
  
----END----  
  
TNM: ......  
  
Kurama: wow.  
  
Hiei: why didn't you make it a CYOA?!  
  
TNM: well, I didn't want to break my readers' hearts....again.  
  
Hiei and Kurama: "Again"? You haven't broken them yet in EITHER of your CYOAs!  
  
TNM: mysterious look I will soon. ANYoro, this isn't one of the main stories of Kurama and Kio's past. They have their own story, it's coming out soon, but this is something I wanted to post. Review? It sucked, huh?   
  
Hiei: got that right, onna.  
  
TNM: I wasn't asking you!  
  
REVIEW!!  
  
It only took me like 4 hours to write.... 


End file.
